The phone calls start almost immediately. There is a will to deal with, a house, accounts, and a hundred small decisions, and somewhere underneath all of it is the fact that your parent just died. If your instinct is to dive straight into business mode and keep it together by powering through, you are not alone. But an attorney who has done this for decades, and been through it herself, wants you to hear a different message first: you are allowed to wait.
Jeremy talked with Teresa Shapiro, an elder law and estate planning attorney, about the moment right after a loss, before any filing. Her answer to “my mom died yesterday, what do I do?” is not the one most people expect.
This article is for information only and is not legal, financial, real estate, medical, or therapy advice. For your situation, talk with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, real estate professional, or licensed mental health provider.
"My mom died yesterday. What do I do?"
Teresa Shapiro says she gets that exact call often. Her first answer is not a checklist. It is this: take some time to grieve. Let yourself be emotional. Let yourself feel it.
She is candid that this is not her own natural instinct either. When her father died when she was twelve, when her mother died when she was in her forties, and when both of her husbands died, she says her tendency was to jump into business mode, get rational, and hold the thing together with a checklist. Her hard-earned point is that you hit a wall if you do that, because you are running from the grief by burying yourself in tasks.
You have four years. You do not have four days.
Here is the fact that gives you permission. In Texas, Shapiro explains, you generally have four years to probate a will after someone dies. She is quick to add she does not suggest waiting four years. But she does suggest waiting at least a couple of weeks, or maybe a month, to do a little grieving first.
The point is not delay for its own sake. It is that the deadline pressure most people feel in week one is largely imagined. There is usually room to breathe before the formal process begins.
Why grieving first actually makes probate easier
Shapiro frames this practically, not just kindly. Taking those few weeks, she says, makes going through the process so much easier, because the initial wave of emotion will have passed.
She is realistic about it. It does not mean you will not tear up standing in court answering the judge’s questions while probating the will. She says that happens all the time and the judge is very compassionate. What it does mean is that you will have more of the emotional capacity that probate takes, so you can think straighter and walk through the process a little better. So her standing advice to many callers is simply: call me back in a month.
This lines up with what a psychologist says
Shapiro’s advice is the legal-side echo of what clinical psychologist Dr. Krista Jordan describes in our deeper grief content: that the grieving brain is under a heavy cognitive load and is not at full capacity in the early months. Both the attorney and the psychologist land in the same place from different directions. A short, intentional pause to grieve is not falling behind. It is what lets you do the rest of it well.
For the psychology behind why those early weeks feel so foggy, see [The Psychology of Probate: Grief, Stress, and Decision-Making for Texas Executors](/psychology-of-probate-grief-stress-decision-making). For free ways to steady yourself during that pause, see [7 Free Ways to Lower Your Stress While Settling an Estate](/free-ways-lower-stress-settling-estate).
Watch the full video on YouTube: Just Lost a Parent in Texas? Why It’s Okay to Wait Before Starting Probate
You can learn more about Teresa Shapiro’s practice at tshapirolaw.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to start probate right away after a parent dies in Texas?
According to elder law attorney Teresa Shapiro, no. She explains that in Texas you generally have four years to probate a will, and she suggests taking at least a couple of weeks or a month to grieve first before starting the process.
How long do I have to probate a will in Texas?
Shapiro states there is generally a four-year window to probate a will after a death in Texas. She does not recommend waiting that long, but she emphasizes there is room to take a short pause early on.
Is it normal to want to jump straight into the logistics after a loss?
Yes. Shapiro shares that her own instinct after losing parents and both husbands was to go into business mode and power through a checklist. Her warning is that you hit a wall doing that because you are running from the grief.
Will grieving first actually make probate easier?
Shapiro says yes. Letting the initial wave of emotion pass means you will have more of the emotional capacity probate requires, so you can think more clearly and move through the court process better.
What if I get emotional in court during probate?
Shapiro says tearing up in court while answering the judge’s questions happens all the time and that the judge is very compassionate. Grieving first does not remove emotion, but it leaves you with more capacity to get through it.
When You Are Ready, the House Can Wait For You
If you have just lost someone in Central Texas, the property is not going anywhere, and there is no clock forcing you to act this week. Take the time you need. When you are ready to look at the real estate side, we are here to help you do it calmly and well.
Call 512-686-3076 or visit texasprobaterealestate.com whenever the time feels right. No pressure, no obligation.